He wrote this beause he wanted to but in addition to what's below there was a poem. http://newwindrider.deviantart.com/art/Of-Dreams-and-Desire-87832236. He wrote this for me in 2005 but he later claimed it was for Bladedream in 2006 and then pretended it was written for his wife in 2007. He doesn't actually even feel that way with his wife, he feels like they're "fucking". (She tried to kill his daughter, by the way, so that's why he was in jail.) He said he would do whatever it took to have me forgive him so that was my term; I didn't ask him to write what's below he did that all by himself. But he never included the poem. Anyway as soon as he got out of jail he deleted it. He claims it was "causing controversy" - yes, most of the people on the board who were affected by this no longer post there, they only lurk. So the ones who do post mostly said "OMG TIS POST IZ ABUTZ REAL LIFE LULZ. U R BAD!" Except that since the second he has got out of jail he has mostly ignored me. I was arrested (missed court date of "driving on a suspended liscense") on the day he was released and I was kept in jail for a week, but he hadn't tried to call me or anything except for one message asking me what his Interordi password was. He's only called me once since then but he's been out for a month. (He doesn't have his own phone but the guy he lives with has one with minutes at night/weekends.) I was supposed to make his current MySpace mostly generic and create a new one for only "trusted friends", with the old one having limited information being available for "contacts" such as his wife and people he just met or doesn't know too well. And I was supposed to post this as a blog entry on his new MySpace. Well he never created a new MySpace (so he is keeping his current one as his main and non-limited one) and he never posted this blog entry there or anywhere else, he just deleted the one on the message board. And he changed his MySpace status to "married" after he had asked me to change it to "divorced" but got mad at it being a "ludicrius idea" when I asked of he was trying to be with her again. So in other words he wrote all this to me and then he is doing the same thing twice, just without the lies this time... at least not to me. He doesn't need them because he's already told everybody....
[11/3/2008]So in other words he wrote all this to me and then he is doing the same thing twice, just without the lies this time... at least not to me. He doesn't need them because he's already told everybody....
Hello, reader. I am Wind aka Cory aka Amb. Chances are that you know me, or at least know of me. I need you to pay attention to me, because I have a very important announcement to make. This is a bit difficult for me, so please be patient.
On the off chance that you are not familiar with the ongoing war between myself and Aris aka Mew aka GodX aka Raven, I have been on the offensive with her since sometime in 2005. We've known each other since early 2004 if memory serves. During this war, I have spent considerable time turning others - many of you among them - against her, and some of you have carried on that tradition. For that, I command your zeal and loyalty.
As the story goes, this war began because Aris is insane. She tried to kill me a few times. She was stalking my family and I. She threatened my wife. She hacked into my email. She was dangerous. For these reasons, I developed a small but intricate network of eyes and ears on-and off-line to keep track of her motions and intentions. Once again, thank-you to those of you who assisted me in this cause.
Since this conflict began, friendships on all sides have suffered casualties. Parties not involved have been forced to take sides or be caught in the crossfire. If this happened to you, I apologize. but now, there is good news for all of us. As of this very moment, the war is over. For good. We aren't signing a peace treaty. We're full blown allies.
What isn't such good news, however, is that there was a hell of a lot more to this war than any of you knew or suspected. Every last one of you that was a witness to this war is in need of a severe reeducation. I ask you to bear with me as I give you a small back-story, followed by the truth about what's really gone on, these last five years.
Any of you even briefly familiar with me on a personal level, know who Emma is. For the sake of sanity, I'll keep this short. She was the first girl I ever loved. She died when we were both 15, seven years ago, now. I swore I'd never love anyone else, so as not to disrespect her. I completely ignored women for a long time, and avoided anyone with a romantic interest in me, until early 2005 - the first time I met Aris offline.
As many of you know, Emma's death, the deaths of a few very close and dear friends, and a few other various instances, too long and depressing to state here, resulted in a few glitches; character flaws and abnormal traits, not the least of which was a long string of night-terrors, insomnia and paranoia. This stress chain resulted in a heart condition which could have killed me.
Aris and I were... I suppose 'a couple' is the easiest term... for a few months in 2005. The thing is, we were both in love, and we both knew it. I never admitted it to anyone but her then, but she was my sun and my moon. She made me happy, made me a better person. She curbed many of my self-destructive habits (cutting, drinking, brawling) and calmed me enough that my heart - as a muscle - stopped eating itself, thus literally saving my life.
The problem? I convinced myself that loving Aris and being happy was an insult to my Emma. I was convinced that Aris would one day abandon me, or fate would take her from me, and I would be alone again. Then, I figured that if I left Her, lost her on my own terms, it would hurt infinitely less. But I knew i had to make her hate me, because if she didn't, I might go back to her in a moment of weakness, causing inevitably more pain.
THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is where and why the war began. To minimize my pain, I had to make her hate me. I sought out her enemies and allied myself with them or set them upon her. I slandered, instigated, revealed her secrets, lied, emphasized flaws, made up stories about her stalking me. I spread them all among friends, family, strangers and internet gathering spots.
It should have been easy - but she refused to hate me or abandon me. She defended herself instead and begged me to stop. She told everyone the truth. So I developed a network of people to watch and listen 'for danger'. The real purpose was so that I could more quickly keep her in check with more lies, and in this, my system was successful.
Unfortunately, having tasted love again and wanted more. I went after two other women trying to fill the void. At one point, I persued both of them at once, and in doing so, lost one of the most important friends I've ever had and scarred her for life in the process. I married, then divorced, the other. Anyone who has known me since my early Interordi days can tell you that since Aris, I've become romantically attracted to any female with a kind word to say. I've been trying to replace her.
My manic attacks and defense of my lies resulted in what is best called an impressive chain of psychological mutations. In short, I became a paranoid, possessive, mildly sociopathic DICK. I saw enemies where I never had them. I attacked anyone who looked like a potential enemy. I saw elaborate conspiracies poised to topple the house of cards I'd built out of lies. I drove everyone away from me.
Now, the fantastic irony in all this is that through the last crazy year of my life, one which saw me jailed twice, my 16 month old daughter almost pass away, being homeless, losing everything I owned, a divorce, coming to terms with my anger issues and not seeing my daughter for 9 months, the only person who was there for me - indeed who gave a shat at all - was Aris. She wrote me, she talked to me, worried about me, ran interferance, looked up legal advice, delivered messages and even sent money while she was homeless and I was incarcerated. Maybe she is insane, but it's because she can be so selfless. Imagine a loud, cold room the size of a bathroom. You live there for 6 months. No friends or family contact you. No one answers calls. You don't see your own child for months. You are almost completely alone. Poorly fed. Afraid. And the only person who shows they care - and oh, God, do they care - is a person you've treated like dog-shit for almost 5 years. Nothing prepares you for feeling like that breed of vermin.
Some of you think Aris is crazy. She's not. She's odd. She has flaws. She's outspoken and argumentative. We all are. She is human, more so than anyone I know. If you don't like her that's your perogative, but you will keep it civil. Now that that truth is out there, there's no reason to treat her like dirt or call her names. Anyone who does, directly attacks me as well. I will choose her over absolutely anyone else, save for my own daughter. I have no tolerance for anyone who treats her poorly. Of everyone who reads this letter, she is the only one who cared. She is my queen, now.
Undoubtedly, this revelation will rock a few of my friendships. Rightly so, as I lied to all of you. No one will be in the wrong if they hate me for this. I appreciate all the loyalty everyone has shown me. I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to address you and come clean. I ask that you circulate this log amongst yourselves. I have only one more thing to say before I close.
I want to say this now, in front of everyone. There will be no mistakes or misunderstanding. No hidden meaning or agenda. If you hear one thing I have to say tonight, let it be this: Aris, I am in love with you, and though I didn't realize it at some points, I always have been. I always will be. You have known for months that I am in love with you, and now, so does everyone else. I don't ask forgiveness or for you to return my love. I only ask that you acknowledge my feelings and that they are real. I love you, Aris.
Thank you, everyone.
P.S. Those who don't believe me can contact me directly. Aris has my address, Phat will testify that this letter is genuine, if for no other reason than that I mention Kikoman of soysauce fame and an unimportant communication from about 6 years ago before I met Aris. Back me up, phugly.
Edited by NewWindRider~ on January 22, 2009 at 12:46:43.