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The Chronicles of Nairb

The Chronicles of Nairb

-Courtesy of Si Fallor Sum

The Tale of Nairb, or One Like Socrates Who Found Himself Wrapped in Societal Trappings Much Like the Lemming Was Forever Immortalized as Being Suicidal by Walt Disney and Several Mean Men With Brooms.


There was once a young man named Nairb the All Knowing, it was a self-adopted title. Nairb knew all, and was right all the time. Well, most of the time. Actually he was just very clever and capable of free thought, so it pretty much counts as being all knowing. All of this only pertains somewhat to the story, but it sets up a pretty good description of him as a character. Also the fact that Nairb lives in a world controlled by paper, blips of electricity, and powerful special interest groups akin to the Gestapo is only pertinent in the regard that it puts into place a dark, dramatic, literary backdrop, otherwise known as the setting.


In any event, Nairb the generally right, attended Bureaucracy High, where he had only missed and subsequently made up, 2 hours 38 minutes and 42 seconds of classtime. The “administrators, politically correct term for mindless pencil pushers, refer to Bureaucracy High as a federally regulated public educational institute for the preparation of young minds to go out into the world and take their places within the mainstream expectations of society. Or, Operation trap them in various colors of tape and fill their minds with the dogma of a mechanical society where they expect to be given the time to memorize the material for all tests, for short. But I, I being used in the most narratorial sense of the word, digress.


Nairb found himself attracted to a certain young lady, who for all intents and purposes shall be referred to as Ms. X. Nairb wanted to ask Ms. X on a date so he could get to know her, but in order to do so he needed money. So, he went to the nearest equal opportunities employer, also known as Quota Central, and asked where he could find the personnel office. Eventually, after paying a fine for political incorrectness, Nairb was directed to human resources. After several months on Quota Central’s waiting list Nairb found himself gainfully employed as a custodial caregiver.


Having gotten a hold of some money, Nairb found the courage to ask Ms. X out on a date. Ms. X agreed and the game was begun. At the restaurant Nairb made the mistake of opening the door for Ms. X. Ms. X went on a tirade about the empowerment of women and how she would not be treated as a helpless female. Nairb took this into consideration and then let Ms. X open the door at the movie theater. That was an even bigger mistake. Ms. X let Nairb know, loudly, that women were not put on the earth to serve men and there was no way in Iowa, politically correct term for hell, that she was going to fill the subservient stereotype created by the male oppressors. Nairb took Ms. X home after the movie and debated on whether or not to kiss her. He decided to ask first, so as not to risk charges of date rape. Still, Ms. X was offended and let it be known. She would not be his slave no matter what he thought dinner and a movie entitled him to. Ms. X then proceeded to bring charges of sexual harassment against Nairb.


After finishing his prison term, Nairb dropped out of high school and bought a small piece of land upon which to live his life in solitude. In our next tale we, we being I the narrator and you the reader, shall hear of Nairb’s adventure’s fighting the EPA over violating wetland regulations.

For more, click here.
Tags: bureaucracy, daily life, epa, government, political, sarcastic, satire
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